Not religious or christian

I have been in church my whole life. I have been around the most religious and best christians this world has to offer. Here's the thing... I'm ready to leave all that. Doing things just because it seems like what I'm supposed to do is not what I have been called to do. All I want to do is follow Jesus. I want to forget every assumption I have about how life is supposed to be and the way that this whole Christian thing is supposed to work. The more and more I look at scripture the more and more it seems as is if this whole American Christianity thing is not at all what Jesus had in mind. There have been a lot of things that have been done in the name of christianity, and are being done, that I'm not sure Jesus would have any part of. I've have decided that I am going to go back through some of the gospels. To those of us who have spent are lives in church this may sound boring, routine, typical, etc. We have been told so many things about what Jesus did and what He stood for and the message He was trying to bring. I think we sometimes get fed things from different biases. If you go back and look at the things that Jesus said we see that there are some things that people are focusing more than other truths that Jesus gave us. It's like we pick and choose which things we want to apply to our lives. So, I'm wanting to just go back to the red letters and take it straight up. I believe what Jesus said and believe He still has things to say today. I want to do what He said to do no matter if other people do or not. If the church and christians aren't measuring up then I'm not gonna follow them. Jesus is the ultimate standard (g-burg '08)
Last weekend I went with my church's high and middle school group to a retreat in Gatlinburg. It was a really great trip and hopefully the students listened to what the speakers had to say. I had already had this conviction about goin back to the red letters but one of the speakers made it even more simple and apparent what I needed to do. He was saying that we have become obsessed with the "thriller testimonies". The ones were drug dealers and pimps turn their lives over to Christ because God stopped them on their way to burn down a church. Those are cool and are a testament to the changing love that He offers. We miss the beauty of the testimonies of those who say that they gave their life to Christ at an early age and have been trying to live for Him ever since. Thats it pure and simple. I have given my life to Christ and want to live for Him.
In Matthew 8:38 Jesus says, "and anyone who does no take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me." This is what we are called to do if we say that we want to follow Christ. He says that if we do not give up our whole lives and follow Him that we aren't worthy of Him. This doesn't mean praying a prayer or walking an aisle and suddenly you are a follower of Jesus. It means daily giving your life up to Him. Are you living a life that is worthy of the calling that Jesus has on your life? To take up your whole life and let Him transform it means knowing what He says in His word and following it daily. I have given my life to Christ and I desire to follow Him everyday.